The Familiar Stranger
by XxEternalHeartsxX
Summary: Amy's seventeen, almost eighteen. Here's her problem: She loves both Ricky and Ben. Ricky and she are secretly dating, and Ben doesn't know. Amy doesn't know what she wants. She's confused, and she barely recognizes herself anymore.
1. The Dilemma

Amy and Ben are almost eighteen years old. Ricky is eighteen/ nineteen, and that means that John is two. Amy & Ben are in their senior year, and Ricky's at a one-year college. Amy and Ben have been having relationship problems since they were sixteen. Amy found out about Italy, but she still doesn't let Ben go. He makes her feel.. comfortable. She's gotten over what happened at Italy, at least that's what Ben thinks. And Ben still loves her. Amy and Ricky have become closer friends, and are secretly dating. Adrian has left and found Antonio. Anyway, read to find out more! This is just the main stuff you need to know. It's a different story for me, but let's see how this goes?

Reviews, please! =D

(P.s. some of this may seem out of character, but they're older, they've changed.)

__

I looked out my bedroom window that night- the moon was shining exceptionally bright across the pitch black sky. I looked at all the stars, and I had only two things on my mind, or more specifically, I had only two _guys _on my mind. Ricky Underwood and Benjamin Boykevich. The gorgeous, irresistible, and ever-changing father of my two year old son and the super sweet boyfriend who supported me through my pregnancy.

I thought I would never be able to get over Ben cheating on me, but I really didn't care anymore. It was almost two years ago. (And to be honest, Ricky and I have hooked up a few times since then..okay, maybe more than a few times, but Ben doesn't know about that.)

Ben's Italian one-night stand 'girlfriend' from Italy, Maria, moved here in our sophomore year. Ben says that he doesn't care about her, but she seems pretty into him. She's always flirting with him and messing with him, and when I'm watching, he pushes her away. But I don't know what happens when I'm not around. I bet I'd be pissed if he cheated on me again with her, though.

Ben was my comfort, my support, my shoulder to cry on when I needed it. I love him- but then there was Ricky. Ricky and I have been secretly dating since last year, eleventh grade, and he knows Ben isn't aware of it. Yes, so I know it's kind of surprising about Ricky and me dating and hooking up, but it was something that just kind of happened. The first time, after band camp, was when I was sixteen years old during the summer after I finished tenth grade. And just like band camp, it wasn't planned. (But apparently he had planned it because he hadn't forgotten a condom that time.)

Ben and my first time was earlier this summer, right before senior year (I'm only been in twelfth grade for a couple of weeks), and we've had sex two times so far. Okay, so I've definitely changed a lot in the past year. But come on, I'll be eighteen years old in three months!

And so after that summer last year, Ricky and I decided to start dating and just not tell Ben. Adrian and her family moved away last year and she's found her first love, _Antonio. _Or so that's what I hear, anyway. Grace and I have become good friends, and I've been talking to Lauren and Madison again, although we aren't close anymore.

So, anyway, here's my dilemma: I am 100% mixed up and confused, captivated by two guys, and I have no idea who I should be with. Ricky and my relationship is mostly physical, but it isn't just like that. We really do love each other. But I love Ben, too!

"Hey," I jumped at a voice echoing from the doorway of my room. I fidgeted back as I noticed Ricky's voice, and I stood up from where I was sitting at the window. I walked up to him and he grabbed me around the waist and quickly kissed me.

"Hey, Ricky," I replied, running my fingers through his hair. Ricky's almost nineteen, just like I'm almost eighteen, and he's at college but it's only for a year.

It's kinda funny, because with Ricky, I could be a total slut sometimes, but then with Ben, I can be just like I was when I was fifteen and sixteen. _The good girl. _At least most of the time I am (with Ben).

"Where's John?" Ricky asked.

"He's in the living room with Robbie. They're eating dinner. I told my mom I was really tired, and she said she'd take care of it," I said. It's eleven at night, so they're eating kind of late. But my mom and dad went out and didn't get home until an hour ago. (They got remarried last year, so we're all back in the house together again.)

He nodded, but seemed to have something else on his mind. "You look so," he paused, looking at me. "beautiful." I wrinkled up my face. I didn't think I looked _beautiful_. I was only wearing a tank top and jeans. "You make me so hot, Amy."

He kissed me aggressively, our bodies pressed against each other. It lasted for only a few seconds before he pulled away, breathing heavily to ask, "Want to go out tonight?"

I groaned when he pulled away and breathed, "No, no, let's stay here," as I pressed my lips to his again. He wasn't reluctant and didn't hesitate even a little. He violently kissed me as he quickly picked me up into his arms and turned out the lights, carrying me to the bed.

_ _ _ _

"Wake up, Amy," I heard Ricky say, lying beside me in the bed. I groggily woke up and realized that I had fallen asleep. Crap! I was supposed to put John to bed last night, and I'd forgotten I needed to stay awake.

"What's today?" I asked, slightly confused.

"Um," he paused, thinking. "It's.. Saturday." He threw himself off the bed, like he suddenly remembered something. He bent over and started to pull on his pants. "I need to go. I have to work, I'll see you later."

What? _No. _He can't leave! "Ricky-" I started to protest.

"I love you, Amy," he interrupted me. "I'll see you tonight."

I nodded reluctantly and let him go. I waited until he walked out, and I heard the click of the front door being shut as he left. I got dressed- I wore Ricky's T shirt that he left here from a few weeks ago and my jeans.

And then I remembered. Oh, hell! We weren't protected last night. I don't think we were protected a couple of weeks ago, either. At least I wasn't on the pill. Ben and I did it three weeks ago, our second time, but I think he used a condom. I wasn't sure though. Cursing under my breath, I ran to the bathroom, making sure to lock the door behind me. I reached into the cabinet and pulled out an early pregnancy test.

_Please, please, be negative._ I thought to myself. I gave it time, waiting nervously and impatiently, and then I held it under the light and fumbled with it nervously in my hand. I looked at the result, and I saw a little pink plus sign.


	2. Stranger

_**Note**__:__I've decided to make everyone just a little younger. I'm changing the part in the first chapter where it says how old they are and etc.. Instead of Amy turning eighteen in three weeks, she'll be eighteen in __**three months.**__ She just started 12th grade. Just thought I'd make that clear._

_Anyway, I didn't get that many reviews for the first chapter, but __**PLEASE REVIEW**__! I just want to know what you think. Even if it's only a few words just let me know what you think of this chapter and story. Thanks! =D Happy readings,_

_**__________ **_

I felt my heart sink into my chest when I saw the positive sign. I can not be pregnant again; I can't believe I let this happen! Throwing away the pregnancy test, I sunk down on the floor, leaning against the door, with my knees hugged into my chest. I couldn't believe it. I can't have another baby; I'm only seventeen! True, I'll be eighteen in three months, but I'm too early to be having a second child.

I wasn't even sure whose baby it was, or whose baby I _wanted_ it to be. What if it was Ricky's? Ben would find out about us secretly dating and hate me forever. But if it was Ben's, everything would be ruined for Ricky and me. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to have two babies with different fathers. The thought just sounded so wrong.

I got up from the floor and looked at myself in the mirror for the first time in a while. I studied the girl in the reflection with the wavy brown hair and blue eyes. She looked like me, but something was so different. Something had changed. I couldn't even recognize myself anymore. This girl in the reflection- this girl wasn't me. Who was I? I was like the familiar stranger- a complete stranger you see off in the crowd that you don't know, but you have the strangest feeling that you've seen her before.

Restlessly running my fingers through my knotted hair, I thought about what I was going to do next. Should I just wait it out and see what happens? What if I'm really not pregnant- maybe I just have some kind of weird disease or something. Maybe the test was wrong. I kept telling myself this, but I knew that it couldn't be true. I knew what I had done has finally caught up with me. I went behind my boyfriend's back and betrayed him to be with Ricky, and now I'm lost and have no idea what I should do.

I raised up my shirt, looking at my stomach where John had once been. It was flat, but I knew all too well that it would definitely change soon. My parents would be so mad at me. They didn't even know I was dating both Ben _and_ Ricky. They thought I was just with Ben.

"Amy?" My mother's voice sounded so loud to me being in this small bathroom.

I swallowed as I stared at the stranger in the mirror. I touched my cheek lightly with my hand. It felt like me, but something just seemed to be missing, something seemed out of place. Taking my last glance in the mirror, I decided to be brave and open the door.

"Yes, Mom?" I said.

I figured she was looking for me because I never put John to bed last night. I walked down the short hall, which seemed to take forever, to the kitchen where I found my mother. She was standing around beside the microwave heating up something while John and Robbie were both sitting in high chairs beside the table. John will turn two years old in four months, and Robbie's turning two in eight months.

Surprisingly, instead of asking me where I was last night, she asked, "Are you hungry?"

I gulped, remembering how hungry I constantly was when I was pregnant with John. I shook my head and said quickly, "No, not really. I think I'm just gonna skip breakfast today and go see Ri- uh, Ben. Is that okay?" I almost said Ricky, but I really didn't know where I was going to go. All I knew is I just wanted to get out. I needed to go somewhere.

She stared at me, seemingly noticing how nervous I was. I looked back at her, trying to make it less evident and she just nodded. "Okay. But you should probably eat something. John's already eaten, but you can go. I've got it, but be back soon."

"Okay, Mom," I said with more confidence than I previously had before. Walking out through the kitchen door, I got into my shiny, silver SUV that my mom bought me before I turned seventeen.

I decided I would go see Ricky. He was at work, but I could go see him if I wanted to. Ricky was still living in the apartment of the butcher shop and still working there with Ben (kinda funny, right?) I would need to be sneaky, though. I didn't want Ben to see that I was there and needed to talk to Ricky.

I would go in, wait until Ben wasn't around, and then sneak Ricky off somewhere. I haven't even planned out what I'm going to say, though. I can't just tell him about me being pregnant. Hell no. I'm not even sure it's his baby. I'd say it's about a 50/50 chance.

But I figured I might have to tell him soon anyway. I mean, I should tell Ricky first because that would be easier. I've had his baby before. Okay, it wouldn't be easier, it would actually be harder in a way to tell him that I'm pregnant and not even be sure that it's his. Even if it was his, I wasn't so sure he would be happy about it. I'm not even happy about it. I'm more surprised and ashamed than anything.

I couldn't keep my mind on the road while I was driving to the butcher shop. It took only ten minutes to get there, but the whole time I wasn't even concentrating on driving. My mind was off in another world.

I realized I had been sitting out in my SUV in the parking lot for a few minutes, not even noticing that I was here. I finally got out and walked up to the front entrance of the store after walking across the freshly cut grass. Walking inside, I spotted Ricky over at the counter.

Ben was standing right beside him, and they were talking about something. I crouched low down on my knees and crawled under the counter on the opposite side of where they were. I heard Ben say something else, but it was to low for me to make out what it was. He walked out the door, and I breathed a sigh of relief when he was gone. I know he's my boyfriend and I should be able to talk to him about this, but I was more comfortable talking about it with Ricky. I wasn't even sure if I would even have the courage to tell him.

Thankful that Ben had gone outside, I ran over to Ricky and grabbed his arm and pulled him over to the back of the butcher shop in a corner. We were in a different room, so if Ben came in I would see him, but he wouldn't spot me that soon and I'd have time to run away.

"Ricky, I need to talk to you," I said.

He looked at me curiously. "Okay, what's wrong?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "N- nothing's wrong exactly. But-" I was cut off by the sound of Ricky's boss, Bunnie, yelling at him.

"Ricky! You don't have time to talk!"

Ricky looked a little annoyed. "Sorry, Amy. I need to go back to work. We're really busy today. This can wait until later, right?"

I sighed although I was kind of relieved that I wouldn't have to tell him now. I would tell him later after work if I find the courage. I nodded. "Yeah. I- it can wait until later. I'll see you after work, I guess?"

"Yeah, see ya. I'll be over there later if you aren't busy and you can tell me whatever you need to-" Ricky was interrupted by his boss yelling at him again. He leaned in and quickly kissed me. "I'll see you tonight, Amy.. around seven?"

"See ya," I muttered. I watched him walk over to the counter again and continue what he was doing. I walked quickly to the door, looking around me to make sure Ben wasn't anywhere around.

I walked outside and when I was half way to my car, I saw Ben standing across the lot waving at me. _Shit, _he's coming over here. I folded my arms together across my chest and stopped where I was standing, waiting for him to catch up to me.

He finally reached me and smiled. I guess he hadn't noticed that I was in the butcher shop talking to Ricky. "Hey, Amy," he said, kissing me. He tried to hold the kiss longer, but I pulled away, feeling weird about kissing two guys in only a few minutes.

It wasn't that I would rather Ricky kiss me than my official boyfriend, Ben, but.. I don't know. Sometimes I think I love Ricky more, but then I just end up getting confused again. I don't really know what I want. It's so weird because whenever I'm with Ben I always feel guilty about doing stuff with him- even kissing now makes me feel guilty, and with Ricky, it doesn't even matter. It was like I had two different personalities or something.

Ben and I have had relationship problems since we were sixteen ever since I found out about Maria, and we have finally decided to get over that and just try again. We haven't even talked about it recently. Neither of us has even bothered bringing it up. Ricky and I have been secretly dating for around a year, and I guess it's not really official, but he says he loves me.

I really didn't know how this was going to work out. I mean, I was fine with it before- dating two people, but now that I'm pregnant it just feels wrong. I decided I would ask Ben if we were protected a few weeks ago, and if he says no, I'll take a DNA test. I'd still like to take one either way, just to make sure.

_Wait.. _that's _if_ I decide to keep the baby. But that's crazy- I can't keep it. I can't have two babies so young. I mean, I'll still be in school!

I was finally pulled out of my thoughts when Ben said, "So, do you want to go out tonight or something?"

"_Umm.._" I paused, thinking about it. Ricky said he'd be over tonight at seven, so as long as Ben and I went out earlier then everything should work out. "Sure. Is five okay?" On school days Ben works until six, but on the weekends he works until four.

"Yep, that sounds great. I love you. I'll see you then," he said, kissing me again.

I nodded and waited for him to go back inside the butcher shop before I got into my car and drove off.

- -

The drive home seemed to not take as long. When I glanced at the time on my phone, I hadn't even realized how much time had passed today. It was already after three in the afternoon; I couldn't believe it. I must have woken up pretty late, because the day seemed like it was just getting started.

I ran into my room, not bothering to see if anyone else was in the house. I only had less than two hours to get ready to go out with Ben. I wondered where we were even going. I looked into the mirror that hung up in my room and the first thing I noticed was I was still wearing Ricky's shirt. _Oh, shit! _I hope Ben didn't notice.

Oh, well, I decided. I pulled off my clothes and walked into my closet. I didn't really feel like dressing nice or anything. I mean, it was kind of last minute- Ben asking me out, so he probably didn't care what I wore. I pulled out a dark blue, low-cut shirt and really short, leather shorts with high, leather boots. (Yeah, so I usually don't wear these kind of clothes, but I just felt like wearing it tonight.) I straightened my hair and put on makeup, and then I just sat down and waited for time to pass by.

I sat there for so long that I wasn't even keeping up with time. When I heard a car pulling up, I ran up to my window and saw that Ben was here already. I looked up at the clock- it was exactly five, so he was on time.

Ugh. Well, hell. I just remembered that my mom told me to be home early to help with the babies. I cursed under my breath and quickly ran into the living room where I found her sitting down on the couch. She must've gotten John and Robbie down to take a nap.

"Mom, I'm so sorry! I completely forgot you wanted me to be home early! I am so, so sorry! Ben asked me out tonight, and he's like here.. right now. I'm really sorry! I forgot! Do you have everything under control?"

She smiled, appearing tired. "Don't worry about it. Everything's fine. You go out with Ben. You never have fun anymore, Amy. You should be having fun. So go out- have fun."

I swallowed nervously when she said that. _Mom, I've been having more fun than you even realize._ I smiled and quickly ran out the door, meeting Ben standing there on the front porch. "Hey, Ben!" I exclaimed, startled. He smiled and hugged me and we got in his car. "So, where are we going?"

"Well, I was thinking we could go out for dinner or something. But if you want we could just go to my house." He slightly raised his eyebrow.

"Um, no. Dinner is fine," I said nervously, afraid to be alone with him after what I just found out this morning. _You know, the pregnant thing. _I guess the reason I felt so weird about being _physical_ with Ben was because I've always just been the good girl around him. Ben's changed, and so have I, so I guess it just makes it that much weirder.

"Alright, then dinner it is," he said cheerfully. Normally, any other day, I probably would have laughed, but I was in too bad of a mood to think that was funny. Restlessly, I lay back in the seat and stared out the window, not looking back at Ben until we got to the restaurant.

It was a really fancy restaurant. We pulled in the front of the building, beside some cars in the parking lot, and went inside up to the front desk to pay. (At this restaurant they make you pay _before_ you even eat. Weird, I know.)

It was pretty dark in here. All the lights were down low, and really slow, cheesy music was playing. We followed the waitress to the back where she brought us to a small booth, meant for just two people. Ben and I sat down, across from each other, and the waitress took our orders. All I ordered was a hamburger- I really wasn't hungry, which is weird for me.

"You look really h- _uh,_ beautiful, Amy," Ben told me nervously, correcting himself after almost saying _hot._

I smirked, and then quickly made myself keep a straight face again. Oh, great. Ricky has gotten me to start smirking like he always does. I smiled and said, surprisingly calm, "Thank you, Ben."

I looked closely at Ben, the possible father of my baby. I cringed at the thought of it. Not really having a baby with Ben, but just having two babies with different fathers. It really just bugged me. But it wasn't that I didn't want Ben to be the father, I really just didn't know.

"Is everything okay?" Ben asked.

I jumped at the sound of his voice. I didn't even realize I was sitting here staring off in space. I nodded nervously and said, "Y- yes."

"Are you sure? Is something wrong, Amy? You can tell me if it is. You know that, right?" _Yes Ben, I know that, but I don't know how you're going to take it if I tell you that I'm pregnant. If you find out that I'm pregnant and I don't even know who the father is! _Yeah, I'm a real whore.I rolled my eyes, frustrated at myself.

"I- I'm fine. I just.. kinda wanted to ask you something," I said. Well, hell. I didn't even know what I was going to say. But I guess I should ask him about the condom situation. That won't be giving anything away, it'll just seem like I'm curious, that's all.

I heard Ben say something, but I couldn't make out what he said, so I decided to go ahead and ask him. "Ben, were we protected the other week when we did it?" I wanted to laugh at the way I said _did it_. With Ricky I would've just said sex, but with Ben it just feels weird saying that.

Ben's face suddenly went pale white, and he hesitated and said quietly, "I- I'm not sure. I can't remember, Amy. I'm so sorry. We didn't really plan it and-" he stopped and wrinkled his face together. And then he asked quietly, sounding like he was panicking, "Were- were you on the.. birth control pill?"

I had to try really hard not to burst out laughing. I didn't know why, but it just was hysterical to me how he was like _the.. birth control pill. _"Yes," I lied. I wasn't on the pill. And I'm still not on it. I haven't been in over a month.

"Good, then nothing can go wrong," he said.

I faked a smile and echoed, "Yeah... nothing can go wrong."

Ben and I really didn't say that much afterward. All he did was make small talk with me about things that were so nonessential that I've forgotten already. I could tell that we were both too embarrassed to talk anymore than we did.

Ben dropped me off back at my house. He asked me if I wanted to come home with him, but I told him I was really tired, which was true. He gave me a quick kiss and then drove off. I waited until his car was completely out of my sight and I looked at the time. It was only six thirty. I decided I would drive to Ricky's apartment. I really didn't want to wait for him to come over, and we should probably be alone.

It took ten minutes to get there, and I went into the butcher shop (thankful that it was still opened), and went up to Ricky's apartment. I knocked on the door and looked down at myself. I didn't even realize how low this shirt was before, but my boobs are practically popping out of it.

"Hey," Ricky said right as he opened the door and saw me standing here. "I was about to drive over there."

"Yeah, I know," I said. "But I didn't really feel like waiting, so I just came over here. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, of course," he said. He looked me up and down and raised his eyebrows. "Uh, did you go out with Ben or something?"

I nodded, unable to say anything. He didn't sound jealous when he asked, he just seemed curious. Ricky really hadn't seemed jealous the whole time we've been going out. He must know that I really love him or else I wouldn't be cheating with him. But it never bothered me before, until now, that Ricky wasn't jealous. Maybe this was a good thing, but I didn't know. My main focus of the night wasn't to tell Ricky about the whole pregnancy thing- it was to make him jealous.. to make him want me.

I decided I would just hold off on telling him. I was far too nervous about it that my heart was about to fall out of my chest from pounding so hard, but it really helped calm me to just not think about it. So that's what I did. I didn't think about it. I tried distracting myself.

"You look so hot," Ricky told me. I smirked at the way he just came out and said it, unlike Ben who had held back and corrected himself by saying _beautiful. _And it's not that I didn't like being called beautiful, but sometimes it's kind of.. _fun _(I guess that word fits) to be called hot.

"Oh, yeah?" I asked, suddenly kissing him. I pulled away and said in a low voice, "You look hot, too." He was just wearing his usual clothes- jeans, and a really hot button-up sleek shirt. But it was totally true. He looked completely hot and irresistible- I just couldn't help myself. His hair looked super sexy, like it always did, and he just looked hot. (Yeah, I'm aware of my quite often usage of _hot_ tonight.)

I was kissing Ricky again, and he was kissing me back aggressively and impatiently. _Okay, okay, keep it under control. You can't let this happen tonight. You're pregnant! _I told myself. Oh, but I couldn't help myself! I'm already pregnant, so what the hell?!

Ricky picked me up, and I wrapped my legs around him as he made out with me until we reached his room. He kicked the door shut behind him and set me down on the bed. I lay in the middle of the bed, thinking about how wrong this was.

I thought about band camp and then the second time which happened just like band camp did- by accident. It happened that summer after tenth grade ended for me. Ricky and I had finally become friends, and I was really depressed when I found about Ben cheating on me. It was a few weeks after I found out, and I was still upset. Ricky and I were just sitting in my room talking, and well no one was home, and I guess it just kind of happened.

We decided to just keep it a secret and not tell anyone, and then once we started dating, well.. you get the point. I guess it just made me look at things differently, I don't know. The second time wasn't like the first, and it just really changed me. No one even knows about it except Ricky and me. Not even my parents know. They'd kill me if they found out, just like they're going to kill me when they find out I'm pregnant. _Jeesh, _I'm in a huge load of trouble.

Putting this all behind me, I made myself stop thinking about it again. Ricky was standing behind the bed in front of me, taking off his shirt. He got into bed with me, and well, you know.

- - -

I lay back over in the bed beside Ricky, and I was crying. Sure everything seemed okay for a little bit, but now that it's over everything is just as stressful as it was. I knew I had to tell Ricky. I had to tell someone, but what would he say?

I was crying even harder now, and Ricky realized it and asked, "Are you crying?"

"No-" I started to say, but I couldn't get the word out normally. "Yes!" I cried.

"Why?"

God, I'm such an idiot. I'm such a freaking idiot! How could I let this happen again? And now look at me- I'm in bed with him again! I don't even know who I am anymore. I just want to know. I want things to be easier. I thought as I got older they would be, but they're only getting harder! So, I guess this proves that sex can really change a person. Now I'm so lost and confused that I don't even know anymore.

"Because, Ricky," I began. I wiped off my tears, but my voice was just as scratchy when I said, "Because of what I have to tell you."

"Oh, right," he remembered. "Go ahead and tell me. Amy, whatever you need to say.. just say it. I'm here. No matter what it is, I'm here," he said gently. But of course, it only made me cry even harder after he said this.

I instantly felt better once he said this, but I couldn't make my heart stop pounding. I was just as nervous, but I really felt like I could trust him and he would be there for me. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes tightly as more tears were welling up. I let out the breath and opened my eyes, and tears poured down my cheeks. "Ricky, I- I'm pregnant!"


	3. The Dream

"What?" Ricky said, quickly shifted to a sitting position in the bed. I could tell he was completely shocked, like he wasn't expecting this at all. But he almost looked like he didn't believe it. "You- you're pregnant?"

I nodded as I sat up beside him in the bed, the bedspread halfway covering us. I moved away from him just a little bit so I could see his reaction more clearly. Seeing his upset expression, I rested my head on my knees and sulked, thinking of how incredibly stupid I was for letting this happen.

"Whose is it?" He asked. Normally I would've gotten mad, but I knew that this wasn't the time to get upset with him. He was just wondering- I guess it _was_ pretty important. Unfortunately, I don't know whose baby I'm carrying.

"I don't know," I reluctantly answered.

How was I going to do it? How would I face telling my parents that I'm pregnant again? I didn't know of one person right now that could help me. Sure, it was nice having one person know, and I'm sure Ricky isn't going to tell anyone. But it would really help having someone know who could actually help me with this.

And then it came to my mind the one person that I knew would support me. The one person I knew who would be there for me no matter what (not that Ricky wouldn't), and that was Grace. My best friend, Grace Bowman, would help me figure this whole thing out.

Surprisingly happy all of a sudden, I shot up from the bed and quickly threw my clothes on while simultaneously heading for the door. "Ricky, there's something I just remembered! I- I'll see you later!"

"Amy, wait," he stopped me while I had the door opened, getting ready to go out. I turned around and waited. He was standing up now from the bed, and he walked over to me. "What are you gonna do?"

"I don't know," I said, "I just need to go talk to someone right now. I swear we'll talk about this tonight or something, okay? I just really need my best friend now," I told him. Ricky knew that Grace and I were best friends, so he would probably understand.

And I was right, he did. He nodded and said, "Okay, I'll see you tonight."

I smiled and walked out the door, practically running down the hall and out the door of the butcher shop. Hurrying toward my car, I was still wondering why I was suddenly in such a great, happy mood. I guess it was because Grace was such a good friend, and she always knew what the right thing to do was (even if she made some bad decisions).

I had almost reached my car when I slipped and fell, landing right in a rain puddle. I groaned as I noticed that it was sprinkling (it had been raining all week), and I pulled myself up and got in my SUV before it rained even harder. Just my luck to fall and get myself soaken wet.

Immediately feeling depressed and overwhelmed again, I slammed the car door shut to let my anger out (of course, it didn't work), and then I drove off to Grace's house.

- - -

Knocking on the door of Grace's house, I ran a hand through my dripping wet hair and rung the water out. I crossed my arms and waited, annoyed at myself for slipping, at the door. The door was thrown open in only a few seconds, and Grace was standing there.

"Hey, Amy, come in!" She exclaimed happily.

I walked inside the door, immediately feeling comforted by the familiarness of her home and her perkiness. But of course, that wasn't enough to cheer me up. Not after how my day's been going so far. I looked outside of the window. It was really dark, and it was only the afternoon. (More specifically, it was a Sunday afternoon at 3:00.)

_Oh, shit. _I had completely forgotten I have school tomorrow! That just adds to my awful day, making it only more awful.

"Is everything okay?" Grace asked, noticing I looked off as I blankly stared out the window, spacing out.

"Yes," I began, but then I continued immediately and shook my head nervously, "Well, no. No, not really."

Grace wrinkled her face together, confused about what could be wrong. She motioned for me to follow her, and I followed her past the kitchen and waved at her mom, who smiled at me politely. We walked into her room and then she shut the door and stood there beside me, looking serious. "Okay, tell me _everything._"

Well, I wasn't so sure if I could tell her everything. You see, Grace didn't exactly know that Ricky and I were "secretly dating", although she did know about that one time last summer, where it all started. But she didn't know we were still seeing each other, especially since I was with Ben.

But this was my best friend, and Grace and I have become really close over this past year, and I knew that she was the only one I could really trust right now. I knew she'd help me. So I decided to tell her. Everything.

"Well, Grace," I began, "I guess I should start by saying that Ricky and I have been dating for the past year, ever since last summer (the year after band camp). And Ben doesn't exactly know about it." She gave me a questioning look. "Okay, he doesn't know about it. At all."

"You and Ricky are dating?!" She had a surprised look on her face. "Well, I guess that's good. But what about Ben?" She asked. I was amazed by how little she seemed to grasp by this. Couldn't she see how upset I was?

"Well, I don't know. You see, Ricky and I haven't just been dating. We've been.. hooking up." I stopped to see the shock that ran across her face and then I continued, deciding to be completely honest and straight-forward about the whole thing. "_A lot_. Ever since the Eleventh grade last year. And well, Grace, what I'm trying to tell you is that.. I-" I stopped, turning my head away nervously. The room was dead silent, and I knew one of us had to say something. It had to be me. "I.. I am.. pregnant."

Her eyes got huge. "Are you serious?!" I simply nodded. She stood there silently gawking and continued. "I can't believe it! You and Ricky..." she trailed off as I gave her a look that told her to stop talking because she was wrong. She was about to say _you and Ricky are having another baby. _She was so predictable.

"I- I'm not so sure that it's Ricky's. Actually, I have no clue. It's about a fifty-fifty chance that it's his."

"Oh my gosh," she was shaking her head as she took it all in. "Well, what are you going to do? I didn't know that you and Ben.." she trailed off again. I never told her about me and Ben having sex. (And for some reason I regretted having sex with him. I wasn't sure why, but I just felt guilty about it.)

"We did.. _Twice_," I told her.

"Wow," she said mostly to herself, amazed. She was quiet for a moment, but finally spoke again, looking up at me with worry as she blurted, "So it can only be Ben or Ricky's right? I mean, there's no one elses it could be?"

I glared at her. "No!" I said, shocked. "It's either Ricky's or Ben's. There's no one else.."

"Oh, sorry!" She suddenly looked guilty for asking. "I was just making sure! Have you told Ben yet?"

I sighed. "No, I haven't told Ben yet. I really don't know if I can tell him or when I can tell him. I'll tell him.. eventually. The only people that know are you and Ricky. I told Ricky this morning. And Grace," I began sternly, waiting for her to meet my stare before I continued. "You have to promise me that you won't tell _anyone. _Let's just keep this between us. I'll tell Ben when I need to. Swear to me you won't say anything."

Worry was still flashing across her face, and I could tell she didn't like the idea of keeping it a secret. "Okay. I promise."

"Thank you so much. I knew I could count on you, Grace. I just.. I really don't know what to do. I mean, I'm not even eighteen yet. I can't have two babies. What if it's Ben's baby? I don't want to have two babies with different fathers! And what if when I finally tell my parents they hate me? I can already hear them now.. _Amy, how could you let this happen again? You're so irresponsible!"_ I stopped and frowned as a tear rolled down my cheek. "They don't even know that I've had sex since band camp."

She took a deep, worried breath. "Don't worry. Everything will be fine. I thought I'd never get over when Jack and I did it. I felt so guilty, and it just felt so wrong. And now that we're not together anymore.. it hurts." I felt so bad for Grace. She and Jack broke up last year after she found out about him cheating on her with Madison. It was a little while after that, but Jack broke up with Grace, that's the weird part. "But I've gotten over it. I've learned to accept that what happened has happened for a reason. Everything happens for a reason. _Everything._"

Did she really believe that? That everything happened for a reason? I wasn't really sure that was true. Some things that have happened, I can't find a single reason in the world why they've happened. Like I don't know why Ben cheated on me, and I don't know why I've been able to get over it so easily. I don't know why I'm pregnant again. I can't find a single reason, other than the obvious.

"That's just it, Grace," I began. "I _don't_ feel guilty about having sex. Not with Ricky, anyway. It's like I'm two completely different people. With Ben, I'm the good girl that I've been since I was fifteen and sixteen. We did it two times, but I didn't really mean for the second time to happen. Neither of us did, really. And I feel so guilty about it. And then with Ricky, I'm a complete slut. And I don't even feel guilty about it.. at all."

She nodded, understanding. "Well, maybe there's a reason for that, Amy. Maybe the reason that you don't feel guilty for having sex with Ricky is because you really love him. Maybe this is his baby, and maybe this is just what's supposed to happen. Maybe God wants you together."

I faked a smile. "Thanks, Grace. I'll call you or something. I really need to get home. I haven't seen John since yesterday. My mom probably needs the help. See ya." I waved as I walked out of her room and headed toward my SUV, and surprisingly, all I wanted to do was be home right now.

I knew it was inevitable that I had to go to school tomorrow. I just wanted to get home and get the day over with so I could go and face it. Although no one else knew about me being pregnant besides Grace and Ricky, I felt like people would stare at me. I guess soon enough they would find out, and it'll be just like it was when I was fifteen. What will people think?

And then a thought crept up in my head- abortion. It was the thought that I've been avoiding this whole time, but it was probably the best decision. I wasn't going to do anything about it right away, though. I just wanted to take it one step at a time. Even though I was so scared, I didn't want to take the easy way out.

Grace has made me think about so many things that I hadn't before. Are Ricky and I just meant to be together? Or should Ben and I just be together since we've been together since we were fifteen? So many questions were still unanswered. I just wanted answers already. I wanted to have everything figured out. I wanted to have.. me figured out.

Getting out of my car as I parked in the driveway of our house, I ran inside the front door and stared at my mom sitting on the couch.

I quickly ran inside. "Mom, I'm so sorry! I was with.. Grace. I'm sorry."

I didn't wait for her answer. Instead, I took John out of the high chair he was sitting in and headed straight for my room and shut the door. I looked at the clock. It was 7:00. I knew it was too early for me to be tired, but I had a lot on my mind. I put John in the crib that I had placed in the corner of my room beside the window a few weeks ago, and then I stared straight out into the almost complete darkness of the night.

"Mama," John said, "Why are you sad?"

I smiled down at my two year old son. John had started talking when he was around eight months old. His talking is really impressive for a toddler, and it always seemed like he knew what was going on. He seemed to understand me more than I even understood myself.

"It's nothing, baby," I said. "Good night."

"Night," he echoed.

I stared out the window, watching the rain suddenly pour down. I walked listlessly over to my bed and flopped down onto it, listening to the loud rumble of the thunder. I sighed, concentrating on the storm and nothing else. I just wanted to keep my mind off of my situation for a while. I knew if I thought about it, then I'd just cry again. I really didn't want to cry. I wanted to be strong about this, but it was really hard for me to.

I lay there for an infinitely long time listening to the calmness of the rain. It made me feel at peace, but I knew that wouldn't last too long. I shut my eyes as reality starting slipping away from me.

A girl stood outside in the rain, the wind hurling into her as if it could blow her away any second, but she kept completely still. She was walking through a rain puddle, lifelessly splashing the water as she stopped to stare at her reflection.

A tear was falling from her cheek now until it landed in the small pond. She bent down and looked confused into the reflection. She pulled her hand down into the water to grab the reflection, and she fell.

The water covered her completely now, and she screamed as she floated under the water in the river, drowning. Once she knew she was about to die, she caught a glimpse of a little boy, floating on top of the water. She noticed there was a trail of blood running quickly down the flow of the water.

The little boy was swimming toward her now. He looked about two years old- he had perfect, brown hair with a cute smirk placed on his face. She squinted her eyes as everything was becoming blurry now, but she could make out the image of the little boy carrying a small girl behind him.

She had incredibly long, auburn brown hair with brilliant waves and golden brown eyes. The girl swam toward them, but everything was a blur as she was losing oxygen. She screamed again and sunk quickly down into a tornado-like pool, drowning in her blood.

My eyes jolted open, and I was back in my room now lying back in my bed. Gasping for breath, I sat up and wiped the beam of sweat from my forehead. Was my dream trying to tell me something? I was certain that the little boy was John, so did that mean that the girl was me? And the little girl, the beautiful, fascinating and stunning little girl, was that... _my daughter_?

___

"Amy, wake up! You're gonna be late for school!" I heard my mother yell. I sat up from the bed, wondering how I managed to get back to sleep after the dream I had had last night. I knew that I should be afraid, I knew that it was perfectly reasonable for me to be terrified right now, but I wasn't. If that girl was my daughter, was it possible that I was actually seeing her before she was even born? No, I decided. I probably just have an overactive imagination.

But if that was my daughter, if I was even having a girl, then this dream must be a sign that maybe having this baby isn't going to be so bad. Collecting my thoughts together, I pulled myself up onto my feet, hurrying to John's crib but noticing he was gone.

My mom must have already gotten him up this morning. Deciding to shrug my thoughts away, I walked quickly into the kitchen where I found my mom, and I tucked away the drenched, sweat-filled hair away from my face.

"Good morning," I said.

"Good morning, Amy. We're a little late, so you go hurry and get ready for school, okay?" she said. She had John and Robbie sitting in their high chairs, and feeding them their breakfast.

I nodded and said, "Mom, would it be okay if I leave early today? I'll still take John and Robbie to daycare, but I just really want to leave early today. There- there's something I need to do." I wasn't sure why I was so anxious to get to school, but I really wanted to talk to Ricky.

"That's fine. But Amy, you can go on. I'll take them to daycare. I'll be heading that way anyway," she said.

Smiling, I said, "Okay, thanks, Mom." And then I ran my hand through John's hair. "See you later, John. I love you."

"Bye, Mama," he smiled.

I turned around the corner of the hall and walked into my room. I quickly got dressed, wearing simple clothes- a large, plain T shirt and jeans. I think the shirt was Ricky's, but I'm not sure. I didn't really care about people saying anything about it. I was surprisingly happy this morning because of the thoughts I'm having from my dream.

Slipping quickly into my car after yelling _bye_ out the door, the engine roar to life, and I was on my way to school.

It was still raining, but the rain really didn't bother me. I just hope I won't fall or slip in the rain again like I did yesterday. The ride to school took about ten minutes as it usually did, and I parked my SUV at the side of the school in the parking area, parking in my usual parking space.

As I got out of the car, I turned around and bumped right into someone. I backed up and instantly felt happy as I saw Ricky was the one I bumped into. With a small tear welling up in my eye, I hugged him and pulled away after a few seconds.

I smiled happily and, wondering if what I was about to say would freak Ricky out of not, I said, "Ricky, I think I saw my daughter." I paused to see his reaction, and he was blankly staring at me, waiting for me to continue. I smiled a huge smile and said quietly, "And she's beautiful."

"What are you talking about?" he asked, confused.

Not stopping to think through what I was about to say, I said, "I.. I think I saw my daughter.. in a dream. But I just have the weirdest feeling that it was her! I know she's not even born yet, but it's just a weird feeling I have."

He smiled sadly. "I bet she's beautiful."

I nodded. "Ricky, I think it's yours." I put my hand on my stomach.

"Why?"

"Because John was in my dream. He was carrying her behind her. And she didn't look like Ben. She had your smile." Not waiting for him to reply, I grabbed his hand with mine and held it against my completely flat stomach, and I swear I felt something move inside me.


	4. Reality Sucks

I flinched back, surprised at the weird feeling I just had that felt like something was moving inside me. I was leaning against my SUV, and Ricky was staring at me like I had just lost my mind. Steadying my uneven, shaken breaths, I said, "Did you feel that?"

His eyebrows wrinkled together. "Feel what?"

So Ricky didn't feel it. Was I just imagining it? I couldn't have imagined it. It just felt so real. Ricky was watching me closely, looking at me like he thought I was about to go crazy or something. "Something m-moved."

He shook his head. "Nothing moved, Amy."

I narrowed my eyes, trying to figure out what was going on. How could he not have felt that? Ricky starting moving closer to me now, like he thought I would fall apart any second. Didn't he believe me? Ricky started to grab my arms, but I backed up from him and shook my head. "I'm not crazy!" I yelled furiously.

"Please just calm down. You're overwhelmed. You're just imagining it. Just calm down. It's going to be all right," he said. He was still walking closer to me. He talked to me like I was a mental patient and he had to comfort me before I committed homicide or something.

His hand reached out and touched my arm again, but I quickly recoiled and yanked his arm off of mine. We were a few feet away from each other, and he was staring at me with a hurt look on his face. I didn't care if I hurt him. He was really making me angry. "Why don't you believe me?"

"I don't know," he said. "I believe you think you felt something, but I promise you that it wasn't the baby. The baby isn't even grown, Amy."

"You really think that I'm crazy, don't you?" I snapped at him, folded my arms together. "I told you that nothing is wrong with me! I am one-hundred _freaking_ percent fine! I'm not imagining anything! I know what I felt just like I knew what I saw when I had that dream. I don't care if you don't believe me! Just leave me alone. I never should have told you. It's way too early. Just go away."

"No," he said coldly, raising his voice. He threw his arms around my waist, and he had me backed up against the car, not allowing me to move anywhere. "I'm not going anywhere. I told you I'm here for you. But Amy, this might not even be my baby. You should tell Ben. It's not fair for him, because it might end up being his."

I had tears running down my cheeks, and it started to rain. "I- I'm going inside," I said. I tried to push Ricky off of me, but he didn't budge, and my feeble attempt to push him away only made me end up slamming myself against his chest, him holding me in his strong arms. I glared at him furiously and shot at him, "Why are you here anyway? Shouldn't you be at college or whatever."

"Obviously I came here to see you," he said harshly.

"Whatever." I shoved him harder this time, and he backed up, not trying to stop me this time as I ran off. I was halfway across the parking lot when I turned around to see him still standing by my car in the rain. I started to say something, but then I decided to just forget it. I heard Ricky yelling behind me. "You have to tell him, Amy!" But I ignored him and ran off inside the school, running as fast as I could.

I walked up to my locker, tossing my stuff angrily inside before shutting it. When I turned around, I jumped when I saw Ben standing right beside me, leaning against one of the lockers. I rolled my eyes. "What?"

A look of confusion and hurt flashed across his face. "What's your problem?"

I sighed. _If only I could tell him. _"My problem is that it's been raining all week, and I'm sick of it," I lied. I scowled as he seemed unconvinced. "Why does everyone think something is wrong with me? I told you- I'm fine! Everything is just _fine_! Dammit, Ben! I'm fine!" I yelled hatefully, and I knew I really messed up now. Tears suddenly ran down my cheeks incredibly fast, and I knew that Ben would know something was wrong. But I just couldn't tell him.

And then I dropped down on my knees on the floor, not caring that Ben was standing right there. I just couldn't take it anymore. I stared down at the floor, and I saw Ricky walk in and he was talking to Ben. But I didn't care what they were saying, so I didn't even listen.

Ricky stood right beside me. "Amy, get up," he said angrily and demandingly. I ignored him. "If you don't get up yourself, I'll just have to make you!" He yelled at me furiously, and everyone turned around and looked at us.

I still ignored him, figuring he wasn't serious about _making me._ But I was wrong, because he was pulling my arms trying to get me to stand up. He held me upwards, and I fell limp and lifelessly when he let go, but he caught me and threw me into his arms.

Ben's eyes were wide with concern and probably jealousy.

Ricky finally put me down, and I stood up and crossed my arms, not looking at either one of them. The three of us were completely silent until Ben broke the silence and shouted impatiently, "Someone tell me what is going on!"

I didn't say anything. Ricky rolled his eyes, and I thought he was about to tell Ben. But, for some reason, I didn't feel any relief when he spoke. "Nothing," he snapped, "Amy's just having a mental breakdown." And he turned around and walked quickly out of the building.

"Amy?" Ben raised his eyebrow.

"It doesn't even matter," I said. "I'm going home."

"What? You're going home? It's morning, you can't just leave when you just got here. At least tell me what's wrong. What happened, Amy? You can tell me _anything_," he said. He held my hand, but I pulled away.

"Yes, I am going home. I- I can't tell you what's wrong. I just have to get out of here. I.. I can't do this anymore." I wasn't sure what I meant by that, but I just knew I couldn't keep going on like this. I just wanted to be home right now, staring out the window at the rain. I wanted to hold John in my arms and not worry about anything else. I wanted to be free from all this stress in my life.

"You can't do what anymore?"

"I don't know!" I shouted, and then I ran. I ran out the door as quickly as I could, and I got into my car and drove off. I couldn't do this. I knew if I stayed at school, then I was going to have a panic attic or something. Ben would think I was dying or something crazy like that. He wouldn't know what was wrong, and then from being so overly stressed, I'd tell him what was wrong and he'd hate me forever. I just couldn't let that happen. I had to get out of here.

__

I slammed the front door of my house shut; I saw my mom sitting on the couch, and I wondered why she wasn't at work, but I didn't care to stop. I ran straight for my room, ignoring the confused look my mother was giving me. I knew I had really gotten myself into trouble now. Ben thinks something is wrong with me, and so does my mom. What am I gonna tell them?

I locked the door of my room and slung myself down onto the bed, hearing footsteps coming from outside the door. There was an impatient knock at the door. "Amy, what's wrong? Open the door."

Fear ran through me, causing my heart to pound rapidly. I couldn't tell my mom; it was way too early. So, I said the first thing that came to me. I fought back the tears and tried to keep my voice sounding calm so she wouldn't detect that I was crying. "Nothing's wrong, Mom. I just don't want to be at school. I don't feel like going today."

"I know something's wrong. Just open the door!" she persisted.

"Ben and I just got in a fight! It's nothing, really!" As I said this, I groaned, knowing that she wasn't going to let it go. I got up from the bed and wiped the tears away from my eyes before unlocking the door for her. She stood there, concern and confusion swept across her face. I crossed my arms. "I said everything is fine. Ben and I just got in a stupid fight. It doesn't even matter. Can we just leave it at that?" And there was some truth behind that. Ben and I got in _somewhat _of a fight. Okay, it wasn't really a fight, but whatever.

"What happened? Why'd you get in a fight?" she asked as she walked inside my room. She was studying me closely, and I knew that she was looking at my shirt, probably knowing that it wasn't mine. I'm not sure if it's mine or not- I think it's Ricky's. I'm not sure, but I know that it doesn't look like anything I'd normally wear, so anyone would jump to conclusions.

I ignored her question and spoke immediately, not letting her ask anything about the shirt. "How come you aren't at work?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Because they called from the Church Nursery and said Robbie has a fever, so I picked him up, and I took the day off," she said, "Look, you need to go to school. You and Ben getting in a fight is no excuse to miss a day."

"Mom, please. _Please_, it doesn't matter if I miss one little day! Just please let me not go! I can't face Ben! I can't face school today. I'm staying home. I'm almost eighteen years old, and I should be able to decide if I go to school or not." Okay, so I didn't mean to go off on her like that, but I really just couldn't deal with school right now.

"Fine," she said, apparently not happy with the idea. "Whatever. But I'm leaving soon to take Robbie over to Mimsy's house. She's gonna watch him so I can go back to work. Because _I_ don't need to miss a day, just like you don't. But whatever, I won't make you. Bye." She walked out the door, and I shut it abruptly after she left.

When I turned around, I heard someone tapping on the window. I sighed. It was Ricky. I really didn't want to see him now, but since he's stubborn, I knew he wouldn't go away. I opened the window, and he climbed through it and stared at me, frustrated.

"What?" I snapped at him; he had no right to be upset with me.

He rolled his eyes and pulled me over to the bed with him to sit down. "Amy, what's wrong? Why were you acting like that at school?"

I grimaced. "Why did you _follow_ me all the way to school! You should be in college right now! And you know darn well why I was acting that way. I'm pregnant!" I whispered. "And it would be really nice if you would believe me, Ricky. I know I felt something move.."

He looked at me like he still didn't believe me. "Okay, so maybe you did. You need to tell Ben. He has to know."

I couldn't believe he brought that up. I deliberately shook my head and talked harshly to him. "No, I don't want to tell Ben. Not yet. He doesn't _have_ to know anything. I'll tell him when I'm good and ready to tell him! I shouldn't have even told you, because now you're mad at me about it and-"

"I am not mad at you," he cut me off. "Why would you think I'm mad at you?"

I rolled my eyes at him. Oh, _please._ He must be kidding- it sure as hell sounds like he's mad. "Because you keep yelling at me, and you're acting like you want this to be Ben's baby and like you don't care about it or anything. I don't know who I want the baby's father to be! I mean, it's realistic and normal for me to want it to be Ben's, but I just don't know! You really aren't making this easy on me. The only thing you seem to care about is me telling Ben- like you're just tired of hearing about it or something. You seemed mad at school, and you still do. So if you aren't mad, then what the hell is your problem?"

"Amy, I am not mad at you! But you really need to calm down! I don't want the baby to be Ben's-" he stopped for a second. "I mean, I don't know. I don't know if I want it to be his or not. I just don't know if I can have a second child. I just don't know that this is mine, so there's no reason for me to get worked up about it when I don't even know. I care, though. I care about you. I love you, Amy."

"No," I said coldly, "you don't love me!"

He narrowed his eyes at me and was about to speak, but I cut him off. "No, stop! I know you don't love me. If you loved me, then why aren't you even jealous when I go out with Ben or he kisses me or something? Why don't you care that Ben is my boyfriend and I'm sneaking around to be with you? Why doesn't it make you jealous? Why don't you feel weird about it?"

He stared at me with a surprised and furious look on his face. "I do care that you're with Ben. It makes me _incredibly_ jealous. But you've been with Ben since you were fifteen years old. I wasn't going to ask you to break up with him to be with me. Obviously you wanted to date me secretly, and well we are, and it's been simple so far."

"Simple? Is that what you're looking for?"

He sighed. "Please stop, Amy. Quit assuming the worst in me. You know I care about you. You know I do. I love you."

"Shut up," I muttered. Although I saw honesty in his eyes, I couldn't seem to believe him. I couldn't even look at him. I felt so stupid and embarrassed and I just wanted this to all be over with. I wanted this to have never happened. "Just get out of my room. I don't want to see you right now. I don't want to see anyone."

"Amy," he growled. "You can't just run away from this."

"Yes I can." My voice sounded so lifeless, and I wasn't even sure if there was any truth behind what I just said. I knew I couldn't run away from it. I knew I wouldn't emotionally be able to do that. I was already too attached to this baby. My baby.. my possible daughter. I didn't care if it sounded ridiculous and Ricky didn't believe me, but my intuition was telling me that somehow this baby and I were connected deeply someway. At this point, I didn't even care if it was Ricky's or Ben's. Okay, so that isn't necessarily true, but I just don't want to worry about it right now. I wasn't going to choose which I'd rather the baby's father be and then end up finding out the opposite. The truth is just that I'm confused and really don't know what to do or think.

Two soft knocks came at the door, followed by a familiar voice saying, "Hey, Amy. It's me." I sighed, recognizing Ben's voice all too well. I can't believe he followed me home. I thought I had already made it clear to him that I didn't want to go to school today and I didn't want to see him.

"Okay, I'm gonna go so you can talk to him," Ricky said. He raised an eyebrow at me, and I knew it was inevitable that Ben was going to find this out sooner or later. I might as well tell him myself before he finds out from Ricky or before I get so fat that it's obvious.

"Fine." My voice was so low that I wasn't even sure if Ricky could hear me. I opened the door, and standing there was Ben. He came inside my room once Ricky headed out the door, and he gave me an apologetic look.

"What?" I said. "You know, you didn't have to follow me home. You should be in school."

"_You_ should be in school," he said calmly. "But yet, you aren't. And wherever you are, that's where I want to be. So if home is where you want to be, then where I want to be is right here at your house with you until you get past whatever's bothering you. So.. what is that exactly?"

I sighed, annoyed by his possessiveness. I didn't want him following me around all the time. I opened my mouth to speak, and it was sharp and cold, much more harsh that I had planned for it to be, but I needed to get this point across to him. "Ben, _nothing_ that concerns you is bothering me," I lied. It might concern him if this baby is his. "So, why can't you just accept that, leave my house, and go back to school? I just want to be alone!"

"Why was Ricky over here?"

I groaned again. Ben hasn't seemed jealous and asking me questions like _why_ _is Ricky over here_ in a while. And that was probably because Ben never really saw me with Ricky, because we sneak around usually. "Ricky was over here because he," I quickly thought of something and said the first thing that came to me, "he had to bring medicine over to John because he- he has a fever." And this was another lie. It was Robbie who had the fever, but Ben didn't need to know that.

Ben shook his head. "You're hiding something from me, Amy. I know you are."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, yes you are," he persisted. "I can see in your eyes that something so beyond what you're telling me is bothering you. You can tell me. If you really are just having a bad day, then tell me that. I just want to know what's wrong. That way I can find a way to help you."

_I don't think there's anything you can do that will help me,_ I wanted to say. But if I said that, I'd be giving away too much, and he'd definitely know I was hiding something. "I'm going to say this one more time," I began in a cruel voice, "there is _nothing_ wrong with me, I'm completely fine, and I just want to be alone. Do you got that?"

I didn't like to see the hurt in his eyes, but he was really getting on my nerves. He took a deep breath and said in a mumbled tone, "You and me, Amy. Do you got _that_?" he shot the words at me bitterly. "That's the way it's always been, and that's how it's going to be fifty years from now. You and me forever. If you can't trust me and tell me what's bothering you, then what are we supposed to do? Lie and hide things from each other for the rest of our lives?"

That was it. He had really made me mad now. That's exactly what he's missing- maybe I'm not so sure I want to be with him the rest of my life. It really annoyed me how he said it, like he was demanding I stay with him forever or something. He always acts like everything has to go a certain way and he never asks me how I want it. He just assumes and never checks to see if I'm okay with it.

"Fine, Ben," I murmured, tired of arguing with him. And then I blurted stupidly, "I'm pregnant," and I regretted it instantly when I said it, because I was definitely not ready to tell him so soon. It just kind of slipped, and the way I said it was so weird. It sounded too casual.

His eyes widened. "You.. you're pregnant? Oh my gosh.." he said mostly to himself. He looked down at the floor and mumbled in a monotonous voice, "That's why you were asking me if we were.. um.. protected."

Ugh_,_ why was he so embarrassed to say _protected_? "Yes, Ben, I- I'm pregnant." And that's when the tears came. I knew I wouldn't be able to hold it in for too long. I looked away from Ben as the tears rained down my face.

"Aw, Amy," he said as he touched my arm in comfort. "Don't cry, don't cry. We'll make this be okay. I- it might be good to have a baby."

Oh, perfect. Not only did I just tell Ben that I was pregnant, but now he's assuming that it's his. I'm really going to regret when I have to tell him that I'm not sure it's his baby. But it was too late now, I couldn't hold this in any longer. There was a certain amount of stress I could take, and I couldn't take it anymore. I had to tell him.

"Ben, that's what I needed to talk to you about," I paused, nervously trying to look back into his eyes. He stared curiously with a worried look on his face. "I- I'm not so sure that this baby is yours."

"What?!" His voice was shrill with surprise. "Then.. th- then who's is it?" he stuttered, but it was obvious that he already knew.

I gulped, shutting my eyes for a brief second and letting more tears flood my face. I knew my eyes probably were red and I looked like crap. "It's either yours.." I looked into his eyes again, and my voice cracked when I said, "or Ricky's."

His eyes went wide again. "I didn't know that you and Ricky-"

"I'm sorry, Ben!" I practically shouted. "I know you must hate me! I'm a terrible, terrible, awful girlfriend who cheats, and I definitely do not deserve you!" As I said this, I knew it wasn't true that I _didn't deserve him_. I remembered when Ben cheated on me, and how pissed off I was. So I guess now we're even.

"I just can't believe it," he trailed off, looking like he's in a daze.

I nodded. "Yep, me neither. Just go to school, Ben. We'll talk about it later, I guess." I practically pushed him out of the door. I really couldn't handle talking to him about it anymore. I just wanted to lie down in my bed and stare off into space forever.

I stood completely still, waiting until I heard the front door shut before I headed over toward my bed. But I stopped half way there and my heart started racing when I heard my mom and Ricky coming into my room.


	5. What if they both leave?

"What?!" I practically shouted after my mom and Ricky came into my room. My heart was beating uncontrollably, and I was really wishing I was anywhere else right now. My mom must know something is up because of the look she was giving me.

"What is going on?" she said, and surprisingly, she sounded mostly calm.

I glared at Ricky ahead of me, with a look on my face that said _help me_. He just shrugged his shoulders, and we all stood together in complete, awkward silence for what seemed like forever, but was probably only a few seconds. Finally, Ricky spoke up. His voice sounded hard and cold. "Um, I just came over here because she seemed upset about.. something."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Why did you even see her this morning? You're supposed to be at college, and Amy's supposed to be at school. Something is going on. You're both acting really weird. I know you're not telling me something."

I swallowed nervously, and after no one said anything, I decided I had to say something. Even if it was going to get me into a lot of trouble, I had to say something- even if it was a lie. "Mom, here's the deal," I began, and continued without thinking my words through. "Ben got jealous because he saw that Ricky was over here, and so he yelled at me about it at school and I got really upset and came home. Then Ricky saw me when he was on his way to college and followed me home.

She raised one eyebrow. "When was Ricky over here before and why would Ben be jealous?"

"Uh, hello, because his _son_ lives here. Ben was jealous because-" _Oh, crap. _What was I going to say? I couldn't tell her Ben was just jealous and not have a reason for it. Ben hasn't been jealous about Ricky being over here for John since we were sixteen, and my mom knew that. "I- I don't know," I stammered. I stared into my mom's curious eyes and saw annoyance flash through them. But I just ignored that and figured she was having a bad day because of Robbie being sick and everything.

Not thinking of another lie to get myself out of this, I sighed. I knew I had to tell her eventually, but I really wasn't expected it to be now. But I don't need to tell her about the pregnancy thing- I'll tell her when I'm ready. I tried to think of the best lie I could tell her, but Ricky spoke before I had the chance. "Amy and I were over here making out the other night, and Ben saw us through the window and now he's really mad about it."

He rolled his eyes at me, apparently hating to lie about it. I flinched at his hateful expression, and gave him a WTF look. I didn't understand why he wanted her to know the truth so badly.

I looked away, not believing he had just said that. Because one: it was a stupid lie, and she didn't even really need to know that. And two: now because of what he said she's going to know that Ricky and I have been seeing each other, and then I'm going to have to keep telling her more and more lies before she realizes I'm still hiding something from her and demands I tell her what's really going on.

My mom and I both stood there in silence looking surprised. Ricky gave me a confused look, and my eyebrows wrinkled together. Why did he have to say that? I took a deep breath and tried to think of an explanation. I sighed again as I knew what was about to come out of my mouth was a lie. I was getting so tired of lies. "It's nothing, really, Mom. We were just bored. It's nothing," I repeated. "Ben just overreacted, and it's all just a huge misunderstanding."

She shook her head and suddenly looked angry. "Why would Ben see you through a window if it was at night? And why was Ricky over here making out with you and I didn't even know about it! What is wrong with you, Amy? You aren't yourself!"

I would've argued with her, but she was completely right. I definitely was not myself. For the past year I haven't been myself. I don't even know who I am anymore, and I knew that I couldn't make her understand.

"Nothing's wrong with her," Ricky said, interrupting the unpleasant silence in the room. For a second, he looked like he was offended by her assuming something was wrong with me, but then his face was cold again. He sighed. "Everything's fine. She's just.." he raised his eyebrow at me and scowled. Why was he so mad at me? "She's just having a bad day. You can go back to work. I'll make sure she goes to school."

"Thank you, Ricky." She looked at me, and I could tell she was confused, but she didn't seem to be as upset about it as I was. There was a huge knot in my stomach from embarrassment and guilt, but I just shook it off. _I'll tell her eventually, but right now she doesn't need to know. It doesn't matter that I have to keep lying. This is the best thing for now. _

As these thoughts ran through my head, I pushed them out of my head as I knew that the lies weren't any good. They were only making things worse. But I knew that the truth was too shocking for my parents to know now.

"Amy," she looked at me. "We'll talk about this later. I need to get Robbie over to Mimsy's and go to work. And you better go to school."

I rolled my eyes and waited until she walked out of the room and I heard the front door shut. I turned around to face Ricky, and he raised his eyebrows and glared at me. I grimaced. "What in the _hell_ is your problem?" I snapped, letting all of my anger out on him. I knew I was being really harsh, but I didn't care. He was being unreasonable. "You didn't have to tell her that! Now she thinks we're probably together or something."

"So!" he bitterly snapped back at me. "You're lucky I didn't tell her what's really wrong with you. You can't just lie about this forever. You have to tell her! Eventually she's going to find out anyway. Everyone will."

"Well, she doesn't have to know now. I told Ben. Are you happy? I figure you are since I'm _not_!" I heard myself yell loudly, and I quickly stopped myself before I said something I would regret later.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he shot the words at me.

I sighed angrily. "You always seem to be happy when I'm not. You want me to tell my parents and everyone, right? Well, I don't want to tell them. So obviously you like to see me _un_happy." Ugh. I mentally frowned at myself. How lame did that sound?

"No, I'm just tired of these stupid lies. What does it matter if they find out? Go ahead and tell them. They're your parents. They'll get over it. If they can deal with you getting pregnant at fifteen, I think at seventeen, they'll be even more calm."

I laughed unhumorously. "No, at seventeen, I think they'll even be more _pissed_ at me! Who gets pregnant at fifteen and then again at seventeen? Oh, and to top it all off, I don't even know who the father is!" I lowered my voice. "Do you even want this to be your baby?"

He was quiet for a long time. "I don't know," he said quietly.

"Ugh," I grumbled, "whatever, Ricky! Get out of my house!" I yelled. Maybe it would be good if this baby was Ben's. He obviously cares about her a lot more than Ricky did. (And I realize that the baby might not be a _her_. I could just be crazy, but like I said, I just have this psychotic, insane feeling that the dream I had was trying to tell me something.)

I started pushing Ricky out the door, but he was too strong. He grabbed me around the waist and stopped me. "I'll get out when you go to school!" His voice was loud again and filled with fury. I couldn't tell if he was being serious or if he was just trying to intimidate me. But either way, it was definitely working. He seriously scared me when he yelled like this. "I told your mom I was gonna get you to go to school, and I am. If I have to drag you down to school then I will."

"You can't just make me go to school. I can do whatever the hell I want! It's a free country!" And again, I felt lame for saying that. _It's a free country._ What a stupid, immature thing to say. Ricky Underwood does _not_ care if it's a free country. It's probably not even against the law to make someone go to school. Actually, I think it's against the law to ditch. Or you aren't supposed to, anyway.

And I definitely wasn't surprised when he furiously said, "I know. But I don't care. Just get in the damn car and I'll take you to school."

"No," I said firmly. He gave me a look, and then I quickly changed my mind about what I was going to say. My face lightened up a little bit and I sheepishly said, "You go on. I'll just drive myself to school since you want me to go so badly. Don't worry. I'll be fine."

He stared at me for a moment, and I gave him a fake smile and a reassuring smile that I was okay. He finally nodded and said solemnly, "Well, I'll see you later then." He sighed, like he was trying to calm himself down and said,"Maybe we can talk later. _Without _yelling at each other."

I nodded. "That sounds nice." And then he looked at me for a moment and then, sadly, walked out of the door after I didn't say anything. I listened to the front door being shut and breathed a sigh of relief.

Blundering over to the window, I looked out into the pouring rain and watched as I saw Ricky's car pull expeditiously out of my driveway and down the road. I watched as the water splashed after it went around the curve, and then I sunk down unto the window and sighed. I definitely was _not_ going to school.

Yes, I know that I just told Ricky I would go. But oh well, I already made it clear to him and everyone else that I didn't want to go today.

I walked over to the large, round mirror that was in the corner of my room beside the bed. I looked at the stranger in the reflection and brushed back my hair, letting it fall across my back in curly ripples. My hair had gotten curlier and darkened over the past couple of years, and it was now a more dark brown color.

I stared into the mirror, not recognizing myself in my reflection. I wiped the tears out of my eyes which were red from crying. I lifted up my shirt and put my hand on my flat stomach. It had only been a week since I found out I was pregnant, and it had been the longest week of my entire life.

I sunk down onto the floor and, pulling my knees into my chest, I rocked back and forth as I stared ahead at the mirror. The tears suddenly started back again and flooded my whole face. What if Ricky really was as nonchalant about this situation as he seemed? What if he and Ben both got so mad at me that they walked out of my life forever?

I sat there for hours in dead silence before I heard the front door shutting loudly. I sighed. My mom must be home, and she'll probably want to talk to me about finding out that Ricky and I have been "making out".

Forcing myself to stand up, I reluctantly walked out of my room and down the hall. When I got to the end of the wall, I stopped there when I saw my mom and Dad sitting on the couch. I held my breath as I pulled back and hid myself behind the wall, listening silently and intently when I heard them talking.

My mom sighed and said, "I don't know what's with her lately. She seems so stressed and tired all the time; it's like she's hiding something from me. She didn't even want to go to school today. Actually, she never wants to do anything. She didn't even pick up John today from daycare, so I suspect she never went to school."

"Why would Ames not go to school? She's never just "skipped" school before. That's definitely not like her," my dad said.

"Yeah, well I came home at about eight this morning, because Robbie was sick, and I found her in her room. Ricky came over just a few minutes later, and supposedly, Ben's mad at Amy because he saw her and Ricky _making out the other night_ in her room," she quoted Ricky's word, making imaginary quotation marks in the air.

He looked surprised and practically yelled, "What?"

"Yeah," she muttered," that's what Ricky said. I didn't even know.." she trailed off. "They must be dating or something. Amy never told me. In fact, she never tells me _anything_ anymore. It's like she's living some big secret or something, and I don't know what it is."

Tears welled up in my eyes and I sniffled, looking up at the ceiling and cursing under my breath, "_Dammit._" I found myself walking from behind the door and into the living room. I stood behind the couch, and they both turned around to look at me. They looked like they were saying something they didn't want me to hear, but I heard it. I couldn't blame them from suspecting something from me, though.

"Mom, Dad.." The tears were coming quicker now, and they both looked shocked. I held my breath and stared at them. I released the breath, and my voice came out as a rough gasp. "Mom...Dad..." I began again. "There's something I need to talk to you about."


End file.
